Let Me Speak to the EyePerson, Please

I was thumbing through the Yellow Pages the other day, trying to find someone to replace a cracked lens in my eyeglasses. There didn't seem to be anyone. "Darn phone book," I remarked to my wife. "Town this size, and you can't find one optimist."

Joan laughed. "You don't want an optimist, silly, you want an optician -- unless you're thinking of getting rose-colored glasses."

"Yes, well, you'd think they'd have a cross-reference." I flipped a page and located "opticians," sandwiched between "ophthalmologists" and "optometrists." Without my glasses, I had to squint just to make out the headings. Leave it to the phone company not to print eyeglass listings in extra-large type.

"Are you sure I want an optician?" I asked Joan. "What about one of these other fellows -- an optometrist or an ophta...ophmatologist?"

"Ophthalmologist. No, you want an optician," Joan said.

She sounded confident, so I dialed an optician. "How long to replace a cracked lens," I inquired.

"Two hours," a voice answered. "Maybe less. I'm an optimist."


-- Robert Brault in Ford Times, reprinted in Reader's Digest