For years I contributed to the “Quips & Quotes” page of Family Weekly, a Sunday newspaper magazine distributed in the USA. Below a few samples.
A lady complained to a pet-store owner, “You told me this cat wasn’t finicky, but I can’t get her to eat.” The owner said, “I meant about what she drags in.”
Watchdog owner to veterinarian: “It’s the strangest thing -- every time I shout ‘Sic’ he goes to sleep.” Vet: “Ah, yes – sicking sleepness.”
My wife sympathizes with Eve. “What would you have done,” she says, “if every night your husband complained, ‘Oranges again!’”
Weight Watcher: “The last straw was when someone called my daughter ‘a chick off the old blop.’”
Since three out of four small businesses fail, my brother-in-law did the logical thing – started a large business.
Nowadays you envy a manic-depressive. Half the time he’s happy, the other half he’s right.
-- Robert Brault in Family Weekly