I have no vices, but I have several virtues the devil approves of.
Sloth is the only one of the Seven Deadly Sins I still have energy for.
I figure if the Lord had wanted me to see the sunrise, He would have scheduled it later in the day.
I keep having this nightmare where they open my coffin and find me lying alive in a pool of embalming fluid.
I never got an 'A' in Self-Esteem. Back then, it was a 'D' in Conduct.
I think people unfit for marriage should marry each other.
I think the nighttime TV soaps have too much explicit sex and not enough explicit gender.
I think that there's a lot of selfishness that goes on under the name of minding your own business.
I think that all good people go to heaven. Religion is about preferred parking.
I think that being snubbed is better than getting no attention at all.
I have never met anyone who wanted to save the world without my financial support.
I've read where the body cells completely replace themselves every seven years, which means I've already been ten different people, all with a tendency to leave a putt short.
I've observed that there are more lines formed than things worth waiting for.
I always stay in the closed lane as long as I can, and I always veer to the right at toll plazas.
I've always wondered if, when a computer dies, the operating system goes to heaven.
I've always wondered what people do in southern California when they aren't fleeing their homes.
I have never figured out why a restaurant has a STEP UP sign on the way in and then just thinks you'll remember it on the way out.
-- Robert Brault