"It's important to be your own friend, especially on days when you wouldn't care to make your own acquaintance."
"The difference between a friend and a relative is that the friend doesn't assume it's your fault when you have an accident."
"Meanwhile, in the ongoing quest to find myself, I have called off the search and begun a recovery operation."
"Parenthood is the passing of a baton, best timed to when the kid has his hand out for the car keys."
"People are resilient. After all, every person born has recovered from nine months on life support."
"There are some people you're sure are going to h*ll because, let's face it, it wouldn't be h*ll without them."
"And as per the Equal Asterisks Act, some people are going to h*aven, because it wouldn't be h*aven without them."
-- Robert Brault