"Happiness is an effect whose cause, most often, is happy people."
"Love makes anything possible, including living with a person who never stacks a dishwasher the same way twice."
"One thing you learn in a long marriage is how many sneezes to wait before saying, 'Bless you.'"
"Here's a What If -- What if man were required to educate his children without the help of talking animals."
"There are people who whoop when they sneeze, and people who say "achoo," into a tissue, and they are usually seated side by side in tourist class."
"Did you hear? There's a new drug called proboscistwin that you can take to grow a second nose. As a side effect, it relieves nasal congestion. People who do not wish to relieve nasal congestion should not take proboscistwin."
"Insurance company actuaries have now confirmed P.T. Barnum's observation -- there's someone born every minute who will buy life insurance at $6.95 per unit."
"And there's a new drug out for erectile dysfunction. The only apparent side effect is a tendency to make mountains out of molehills."
-- Robert Brault