Thoughts after reading Liz's Happy May Day (Not Mayday)
We can all bring to mind the image of the young cancer patient with the shaved head and the wide luminous eyes and the uncannily grown-up acceptance of it all. In this heartbreaking figure, we see a child's innocence already replaced by the philosophical solaces of the care-ridden adult. It seems often, in this situation, that the child has become the adult and the parents the children, the child wanting nothing more than to protect the parents from the harshness of reality.
We learn something about childhood from this example -- that it is not a birthright bestowed by nature nor a function strictly of age but a gift that one generation bestows on another. In the normal circumstance, it is a gift that we parents give to our children. Childhood is an illusion we fabricate for their happiness. It is not just the fiction of Santa Claus we create, or the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy -- we create for their happiness the fiction of childhood itself. It extends to summer evenings chasing fireflies and carefree days by the lake -- fictions made possible by parents who do not permit the dark shadow of reality to disturb the innocence of their kids.
I would offer a few isolated thoughts on the subject.
"Childhood is an illusion fabricated by parents for the happiness of their kids."
"Childhood ends when we realize that Santa Claus is make-believe and the monster in the closet is for real."
"We do not realize how fragile our childhood was until it becomes our turn to play the grown-up."
-- Robert Brault
9 comments:
Wow...what an eye-opening perspective. You are dead on. My parents did an awesome job 'creating a childhood' for me..until my mother died of cancer when I was 19. It was at that point that my childhood died a sudden, unexpected death as well. I realize that I got to hold on to the illusion longer than most, and I can see that I have created that for my own children as well. I tend to protect and shelter them from the 'cold, cruel world'. Is it to their benefit? Or detriment? Who can really say? For better or worse, it's THEIR life experience. As for me, I think the real world will intrude soon enough. And at least I've given them memories to hold on to when life gets hard. And love to see them through.
The way you talk about stuff, and how you put it together, it's amazing. Don't know the word for what i'm looking for, so yeah.
But the quotes that you've made, i found that precisely true.
Liz, the picture of childhood summers you paint in your Mayday piece is what put into my head the idea that childhood has to be fiction. It has to be, because how could such idyllic days as you recall exist in reality? Someone (our parents) had first to imagine them and then create the pretend-world in which they occurred. Thanks for your May day piece and for your thoughtful comment.
Greenleaf, welcome. The chance to "talk about stuff" is the unexpected delight of my older years -- not just talking but trading thoughts with my new friends in the blogosphere.
smiles,
rb
The only quote I agree with is learning how fragile our childhood was. I don't think parents fabricate anything for their children. I believe we do our best to provide the happy memories our kids need to sustain them in a complicated world. I think what you have described are days that have been long gone decades ago. I wish my kids could have that childhood you described, but unfortunately their reality consists of "play dates", video games, sports, camps, and other activities that 20 years ago were not in most parents summer agenda. And let us not forget how childhood experiences hand us our own level of reality . . . the relentless school bully, being left out of a birthday party invitation, being mocked for our individuality or differences, not being one of the "popular" kids or "in" groups, not being athletic, the list goes on. Kids today have enough reality checks during their growing years, it's a parent's responsibility to show their children that even though life hands us lemons, we can turn around and make lemonade. Hence taking time to show them that life can beautiful and appreciated in all circumstances, even those ones that claim our sanity. I don't at all look at it as a gift, I look at it as opportunity. We all have it, just under separate circumstances. We give our kids opportunities to be happy, and the world ushers in it's own reality day in and day out.
Anon,
Your thumbnail of modern-day childhood does force upon me a new perspective -- and does call into question whether the fiction of childhood can any longer persist past the first 3 or 4 years. I googled "play dates" and read a Newsweek piece by a young mother that borders on horrifying. Point taken.
Please understand that it is never my intent to be argumentative. It is seldom my intent to be taken literally. My goal is to offer figurative templates, as in the idea that childhood is a "fiction" or the notion that there is a "monster in the closet" that effectively ends childhood (cancer? divorce?) I invite my readers to fill in whatever literals make the idea ring true to them. If none occur, well, I've missed the mark.
Thanks much for the visit -- and your thoughtful comment.
smiles,
rb
nice 1!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anonymous,
If you're the same Anonymous, glad you accept my explanation. If you're a different Anonymous, welcome.
smiles,
rb
Wow ... only just now came across your blog, Robert Brault, and i have been enjoying your thoughts so very much. Thank you! Hope you have a wonderful time doing whatever you're doing 'til Aug. 15.
Lyn,
Welcome. I very much appreciate your comment.
smiles,
rb
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