"Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. Teach him to fish, he'll take your favorite spot."
"The way rabbits multiply, you'd think they were part birthday candle."
Words from the past: "It's a clever idea, Mr. Bell, but don't wire us, we'll wire you."
Some day the world will end, and those tough Midwesterners sandbagging the Mississippi will say, "We had a worse end of the world back in '99".
"Meanwhile, word of a major event along the San Andreas Fault has reached the 47 contiguous states."
"Ever wonder what Californians do when they aren't fleeing their homes?"
From the files of Western Union, here is the first message ever transmitted by Morse Code from Australia: "/dit dot/dit dot dot/dot dit/walla walla bing bang."
"We hear that the population of China has reached 1.3 billion, or two less than the number of ways to spell General Tso's chicken."
"Saudi Arabia has announced that if the U.S. continues to print pieces of paper that say"Dollar" on them, they will print pieces of paper that say "Oil" on them."
Just out for the kiddies is a new video chess game that answers the age-old question, "What happens if the checkmated king is armed with an AK-47?"
-- Robert Brault