Billboards Seen Along the Morning Commute
"Three Miles to JERRY'S SMELL-THE-ROSES DRIVE-THRU"
"CONTEMPLATIVE RELIGIOUS RETREATS - Free Internet"
"Attention Working mothers. Turn Your Quality Time Into Cash! "
"Busy execs, Enjoy a Leisurely Vacation in Half the Time!"
"ROAD LESS TRAVELED BY GETAWAYS. Twice-a-day flights from all major hubs."
Religious Best Sellers
The St. Francis of Assisi Guide to TV Ministries
Twelve vows of poverty suitable for TV evangelists. Methods of distributing funds to needy viewers. Includes boilerplate apology for promiscuous personal behavior.
A Coach's New Testament
Ten parables of Christ clarified by football analogies. Actual plays diagrammed. Forward by Pete Carroll.
Perfecting God
An evangelical scholar outlines five ways in which God might perfect Himself through fuller acceptance of the teachings of Christ.
When Golf Happens to Good People
Rabbi Kimmelman explains how golf can exist in a world created by a loving God.
Bonus Thoughts
"If you spend all your working days being someone else's messenger, blame the messenger."
"Okay, I'm old. How old? Old enough to remember when Sunday drivers weren't going anywhere."
"Never say never, and never, ever, say never ever."
I almost can't bear the look in a dog's eyes that says, "I would gladly be your soulmate if I only had a soul."
"Oh, what I would give to relive my life with a one-minute delay."
~ Robert Brault
14 comments:
rb,
I love your billboard spoofs and religious best sellers....the problem is that I can see them being all too real!
As far as your 'bonus thoughts'...I am too often 'the messenger' and you're right...I have no one to blame but myself!
I have many fond memories of Sunday drives, back in the day when wee could afford to take one!
I once said 'never ever' and ended up spending more than 20 years in the deep South!
Can I change that 'one-minute delay'? Sometimes it takes me a day or two to come to my senses!
Oh, but the spoofs are all too true.
We lived in the South for nearly 9 years a while back and I can tell you that some of those billboards are more accurate than you might think. We saw some doozies!
Liz,
Thanks so much for the thorough read. I don't expect it as a regular thing. Much of what I write is worth no more than a scan, believe me.
I'll be over to your blog in a minute. I do want to comment on your latest.
Marlene,
I'm always hoping that the humor rings true, although sometimes my sense of the ridiculous gets away from me.
Jan,
For the record, I wasn't picking on the South in my billboard set. I'll let the chips fall where they may in the Religious Bestsellers items. To my eye, there's a lot of hypocrisy that goes on in the name of Christ.
smiles,
rb
"Oh, what I would give to relive my life with a one-minute delay."
...so very true...
Any will do:
one-minute delay / pause / filter
and when these fail: rewind & delete
and so, these thoughts make room for Alexander Pope's quote:
:To err is human, to forgive is divine:
~Have a wonderful weekend~
Maria,
Thanks, a wonderful weekend to you, too. Perhaps I should have borrowed Mr. Pope's heroic couplet format in the first place.
"Pause/filter or else rewind/delete;
With such would I gladly my life repeat."
smiles,
rb
The billboards are oh-too-true! I had to laugh at busy execs enjoying their vacations in half the time. I KNOW people like that! It's juts indicative of our society that we try to cram quality time into as few minutes as possible.
I also love the one minute delay. It made me go from thinking "What a great idea!" to "Would I really, if I could?" I guess we never really know what else would change it we went back and changed that "one minute" that we regretted.
Yeah, and if I had one minute delay I would change the fact that I typed "juts" instead of "just." :)
...and sometimes things are perfect 'juts' the way they are :D
(big smile)
Randi,
Thanks for commenting. I'm well aware that you know how to spell the word "just," truts me.
Maria,
You at home on a Saturday night again?
smiles,
rb
I just wanted to say how much I appreciate your blog. I have read through it entirely, and you are an inspiration to me. Thank you for sharing your gift, you have blessed me in so many ways.
Lora,
Thank you for your encouraging words. I pray I can live up to your expectations.
smiles,
rb
About your comments, I'd probably paraphrase one of my heroes: "Never before has so much been well written with such compact wisdom packed into so few words by one writer! RB, if you think I'm impressed with your thoughts and the way you frame them, you're correct. Where do you come up with such stuff consistently. dk
Don,
As to where I come up with them, I have notebooks from 40-45 years ago that I'm still mining for ideas. As to wisdom, I've discovered that if you compact your wisdom into few enough words, a little goes a long way.
smiles,
rb
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