"It's finally happened -- a lawsuit for wrongful doing unto others as you would have them do unto you."
"A child's garden is a triumph of expectation over too much watering."
"To achieve success is just to give your mom something more to worry about."
"I would rather see a friend have success than a relative, because I can always get a new friend."
"To be happy though poor is not only possible but fervently wished for us by our relatives."
"Do I rue a life wasted doing crosswords? Yes, but I do know the three-letter-word for regret."
"It would be nice if people who have you figured out to the last nuance would take a moment to get the first clue."
"I am not your dog, but if every time you saw me, you gave me a backrub, I would run to greet you, too."
"Love thy neighbor, even when his ice cream maker has been going for two hours on his back porch."
"Leash: n, a means by which animals, formerly running wild, are prevented from running tame, also."
"Luck: n, that which happens without discernible cause; e.g., the success of a relative."
"When confronted by a barking dog, never turn tail and run; the dog might mistake this for fear."
"Corporations no longer try to fit square pegs into round holes; they just fit them into square cubicles."
"Every American child can grow up to be anything he wants, and if he wants to be a U.S. Congressman, even growing up is optional."
How to decline an invitation: "I'd love to come. Sounds great. I'll really look forward to it. Wait, Friday?"
And God said to Adam and Eve, "Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth," whereupon God created the moon, saying "Let there be indirect lighting."
~ Robert Brault