Friends: people who can disagree without being disagreeable.
Family: people who disagree for the purpose of being disagreeable.
Family: people who stick essentially the same nose into each other's business.
Cousin: someone you see twice a year, the second time to return the dish.
Niece or Nephew: someone related to you for the purpose of receiving gifts.
Sibling: someone you have nothing in common with, frequently mistaken for you.
Family Friend: someone who, as a kid, you never knew who they were except they always brought the macaroni casserole.
Your Own Apartment: a place where you can be sick in the bathroom at 1 AM without your mother knocking at the door and asking if you're all right.
Inlaws: people with a common low regard for your spouse's judgment in marital partners.
Spouse (female): someone who, before every wedding and funeral, reminds you of how you're related to your own second cousins.
Second Cousins (male): two men who meet at weddings and funerals who never remember how their wives said they were related.
Rule of Relatives: the more distant the relative, the longer the Christmas card describing what their family has been doing all year.
Great Uncle: someone at whose wake you know you're too close to the casket if strangers keep telling you they're sorry for your loss.
~ Robert Brault
