Some serious ...
"You wonder if the creator of reality had any idea people would take it so literally."
"If you listed all the reasons for your faith, and all the things that make you cry, it would be essentially the same list."
"We are, many of us, a planet orbiting somebody's sun, unconscious of a lonely moon, orbiting our planet."
"I don't know if there is a just God, but I know that when I act as His agent, He never complains."
"If you can make a child laugh, you can make its mother cry."
"In a soulmate we find not company but a completed solitude."
"Perhaps the reason that pets win a special place in our hearts is that they ask only a place in our hearts."
... some oh so observant
"What's frustrating about being disliked is that it's invariably for the wrong reason."
"It's annoying to be disapproved of by people who know only half the story -- especially when you're not sure which half they know."
"You can as easily love without trusting as you can hug without embracing."
"Child raising is an amateur activity that requires professional cleaning."
... and some silly
"One day the sun will implode, sucking the earth into a bottomless black hole, giving you a chance to do whatever you do when you don't have to vacuum."
"Meanwhile, my dentist has found a black hole in my molar system."
"Ideally you'd like to entertain guests in a spotless house that shows no signs of having been picked up, but sometimes you just have to settle for no signs of having been picked up."
I sorta, kinda envy
a leaf on a tree
that knows at a glance
"The revolving door in politics? Well, take a bureaucrat who okays a government-funded study of the commercial uses of black holes -- then quits his job and goes to work for National Paperweight and Doorstop."
"Knowing that I like to surround myself with objects that are an extension of my personality, my wife just got me this really neat lead paperweight."
"After decrying wasteful government spending, one Georgia senator has come out in favor of an FDA program to determine the effects of massive overdoses of peanuts on laboratory elephants." (Okay, this is actually not that true.)
"And, finally, there's evidence that things are getting better, unless skin-related."
~~ Robert Brault