The following twelve thoughts are not mine. They're by a fellow aphorist named John Alejandro King, also known as The Covert Comic. I'll tell you more about him after you've enjoyed this small sampling of his wit.
"I'm not afraid to think the unthinkable. I just can't figure out a way to do it."
My mother taught me: 'Always remember to wash between your ears."
"I would like to change the world, but I can't find a diaper big enough."
"They say you should never raise your hand to your children, but how else am I supposed to request their permission to speak?"
"Money isn't everything. There also has to be stuff to buy."
"Instead of building a better mousetrap, why not just genetically engineer an inferior mouse?"
"Know thyself, but officially disavow the relationship."
"If brevity is the soul of wit, how come it has more syllables?"
"After my accident, the doctors told me I shouldn't be alive. It wasn't a medical opinion - they were expressing a deeply held personal belief."
"There is untold wealth in Africa -- and untold Africa in wealth."
"Live each day as if it were your last. Lie in bed with a bunch of plastic tubes stuck in your body."
"The state of confusion has more than two senators."
~~ John Alejandro King
JAK sent me a fan letter the other day, and so I spent a little time checking him out. What I found left me open-mouthed. Here is an inventive, comic talent that puts my own forays into offbeat humor to shame. Jack Handy, move over -- your successor has arrived. I should emphasize that the items above are only twelve of the hundreds of John's items you can find on the quote site thinkersandjokers.com. That is where to start, since it showcases John's best. After that, you can check out John's own site at covertcomic.com I should caution that John is always irreverent and sometimes a bit off-color, so steel up your sensitivities. A genius must be cut a little slack. Why the handle, The Covert Comic? Because John is a full-time CIA officer, or so he claims. Enjoy!