"Two people can have a middling day, but one rounds up and the other rounds down."
"The main thing wrong with the American dollar is that there are not enough ones, fives and tens to change all the twenties."
"As friend and confidante, my dog is no less silent than my shadow, but he shows up on cloudy days."
"Ever notice how an old dog gets to like the same Netflix you do, or is that just Labs."
"The chief thing you learn to do as a parent is to fix it and never mind how it happened."
"In the presence of a smashed vase, it's amazing the way a dog, a cat and a small child can agree on the same story."
"The younger sibling always knows where the older sibling's lost toy is."
"At my house, when a missing pawn shows up in the Scrabble tiles, it counts as an extra blank."
"Then, of course, when Uncle Ed plays Scrabble, we get into the question of whether it's really a blank tile when there's a 'Q' on the other side."
"Whoever dreamed up Scrabble had an exaggerated idea of how many seven-letter words have five i's."
"I've always wondered what happens when you're declared incapable of managing your own affairs -- I mean, does your guardian start meeting your secretary in hotel rooms?"
"Perhaps we misjudge other people's loneliness because we're so seldom with them when they're alone."
"Yes, I worry about the craziest things, but better me than someone less qualified."
"As I've explained to my psychoanalyst, as a child I had a make-believe friend, but he died."
"While I have yet to run across my own obituary, I'm occasionally mentioned as having pre-deceased someone."
"When you become an atheist, do you have to give up everything you enjoy only by the grace of God?"
"If there be no God, then what is truth but the average of all lies."
~~ Robert Brault