"There's nothing like self-improvement to get your friends to like you for who you were."
"There are days when you seek the company of your solitude, and your solitude just wants to be left alone."
"I'm at the age when you only meet new people when you drive into their living room."
"Sometimes it's hard to communicate with kids, because their brains are undeveloped and yours is only starting to undevelop."
"You never get people's fuller attention than when you're listening to them.
On the Sixth Day, God saw everything that He had made, and He saw that it was good, and He said, "Let there be Murphy."
Overheard in a Washington D.C. church confessional: "Bless me Father, for sins have been committed."
Washington D.C. classified: "Unaffiliated hack seeks party."
"Until you confess your sins publicly, you have no idea how much people don't care."
"Every kid tries to find out how badly he can screw up and still have his mom blame herself."
"There are days in retirement that are the waking equivalent of a dreamless sleep, if you know what I mean."
~~ Robert Brault